by Cherrilynn Bisbano
Summer is around the corner and I want to shed the winter ten. The pumpkin pie, sugar cookies, and chocolates were irresistible, and it shows in my stomach and thighs. Can you relate?
Now, I must cut out the sugar and fat in my diet to be fit and lose the extra pounds. The process is grueling and takes time and commitment. Especially if I want to keep up with my seventeen-year-old son.
My body is not the only place I need to trim the fat to be fit. I learned that my manuscript was not fit to publish because it was fat with extra words. Some of my favorite words are, was, have, and up.
Just like I invest time to exercise, I need to spend energy reading my manuscript to find the excess. My extra weight slows me down, just like unnecessary words can cause the reader to yield, thus losing interest in the story.
For healthy writing, here are a few words to eliminate from a manuscript.
That, really, very, just, then
totally, completely, absolutely, literally, every
definitely, certainly, probably, actually, basically, virtually
was, is, are, am, all
used to, never, often, almost
big, small, large, tiny
begin, began, begun
Rather, quite, somewhat, somehow
Down, up, in, out, under, over
Wonder, ponder, think, thought, seem
feel, felt, understand, realize
breathe, inhale, exhale
Shrug, nod, reach
Stuff, things, got, and many adverbs.
Are you thinking, pondering, or wondering why certain words made the list? Did you shrug your shoulders and exhale loudly because you use many of these words? Deleting these words is all part of editing your manuscript. professionals tend to consider these words tell and not show. The concept, Show Don’t Tell, is one of the trickiest things for writers to grasp.
Don’t write this: The girl’s phone rang; she looked at the screen but didn’t answer.
Write this: She grabbed the ringing phone out of her Gucci purse, glanced at the screen then stuffed it back into her bag.
Don’t write this: His jeans were dirty, and his hair was messy.
Write this: The mud on his jeans matched the color of his matted brown hair.
Let’s look at a few examples in dialogue, to clarify.
“I wondered whether Cyle was the murderer,” could be, “Was Cyle the murderer?”
She thought he was lying, could be, “Are you lying?”
An adverbial dialogue tag is when an adverb modifies the verb, we use to denote dialogue. For example, he said gruffly, she said hastily, they asked excitedly.
Using them takes the power away from their spoken words. If they say something angrily or gently, emotions and body language become less important. The words are considered telling words. Professional writers are able to show the characters emotionss with tags describing the character’s actions.
“You are intruding on my property,” Tom said angrily.
Could be written, “You are intruding on my property,” Tom said as he shook his fist, then pointed at the boys.
Creating vivid characters with distinct voices and clear motivates makes numerous adverbs unnecessary. As in exercise we don’t want to be all tell and no action. We won’t get the result necessary to lose the extra pounds.
Weight loss is grueling, but better with friends. Have a friend or your critique group read your manuscript to see if you use the same phrases, or any of the listed words. If the sentence flows better, without the word, delete it. If you use one word often, try rewriting the sentence with a different word.
Let’s remove the fat from our writing to speed up the pace of action and dialogue.
What fat words add weight to your manuscript? Is there a word I should add to the list? Do you agree or disagree about adverbs?